Church Swine

 

Oh, it must have been almost a month ago that my friend Jackie showed up with the then latest issue of NME and gave it to me - he'd bought it for me - and I didn't know what to expect, I've been kind of out of the loop for a while. My eyes adjusted and I saw Richey Edwards on the cover. Well thanks so much, bud, this is swell because I don't always enter into society, I would have missed this issue and probably the next 500 to come, but whatever, materials. This is neat though, so I'd intended to give appreciation.

If you've not heard of Richey Edwards, that's a shame. He was the co-lyricist, rhythm guitarist and representative for the Manic Street Preachers. They're one of several bands I hold in high regard, their social commentary is the most effective and they really spoke for a generation, especially at a time when Madchester, Britpop, alcohol and pills were on the agenda.

It was coming up to the 20th anniversary of their beloved album, The Holy Bible, and so that's why they've got an extensive feature in this issue. Ten pages worth, rightly.

That is a Kerrang issue on the left. Dirty, dirty mag. I heard there was a Manic's Holy Bible feature in there, and there it is, all of two pages. Most impassioned band to grace the pages of that rag in years, I reckon. Since they changed their demographic it's been like a cross between a dirty magazine and a kids comic.

Still, good to see them featured at all. Maybe some scene kids will be able to discern what's real from what is a ream of superficial ridiculousness.

Heading: IS THIS THE DARKEST RECORD EVER?

I consider it to be in that division. If not the darkest, then certainly one of. For a reason though; it's not dark for the sake of it; it is the unembellished, ugly truth which religions choose to ignore. And ignorance breeds suffering, so why does religion nurture it? Because the ignorant and the weak are easily herded.

For all of its truth, by no means is it an ugly album; it's a plethora of emotions, truly a work of art. What I say can scarcely do it justice. Lyrically scathing, poetic and poignant, too. Richey wrote around 70-75% of the lyrical input for the record and it is unparalleled. I can only imagine the exquisite works he'd have produced if he'd stayed around and been able to overcome his despair.

Cover slogan: BRAND NEW TESTAMENT

It's been almost a month and I've not read either article. I'm always preoccupied, hence the delayed appreciation. I would have liked to have taken a picture with the magazine on the early evening it was given to me, a sobering sunset, sat on a park bench, but never mind, instead what we have are a selection of photos in a church. Kind of appropriate, kind of senseless.

I actually took them to read, but didn't get around to it. I finished the last three chapters of Kundalini Tales, then found half a bottle of church wine and impulsively downed the lot. I don't even like alcohol, haven't touched it in a couple of years, so got considerably tipsy. Essentially drank the blood of Christ and let the congregation go without. Afterwards I tried to comprehend what made me think it was a good idea to begin with. Strange one. Brain's readjusted now.

Attracted to Infertility

This morning I woke with these words in mind: 'attracted to infertility'. It's not been uncommon in the last year or so to wake with words, sentences, ideas, answers or theories. I can usually apply them at once to my current situation, they'll relate to where I'm at on this journey of mine. I understand this as information learnt in the 'second state' and then passed successfully or unsuccessfully from the subconscious to the conscious mind. That doesn't mean it'll make sense, it can be a mistranslation by the brain. Sometimes it'll be symbols or a sense of something, an impression on the conscious mind which I suppose is able to be observed more thoughtfully.

Naturally I turned my attention to the dream I'd had which preceded the words, not necessarily the last dream before waking, but the one that was clearest in my mind. There was nothing spectacular about it, though it was pleasant enough. The predominant theme I took from it was one of acceptance, generosity and warmth. The fact that I seek this in reality and have yet to find it, and in the dream I was in contact with this - so it was an expression of a desire of mine; an unmet or unfulfilled desire. It was a brief encounter with a friendship group who were so accepting, unique and diverse, very warm and loving and responsive and generous. I think I was attracted to them, especially the females, not for sexual reasons, but for this quality they had. It's not something you can fabricate. Does this translate to 'attracted to infertility'? That it's not about the physical; it's about admiration and a host of pre-existing sensations that most of us have forgotten about or been made to forget. That it's not about sexual responses; it's about passion and compassion and fulfilment. It's about intellectual stimulation. It's about pure attraction as it is, no more. Though, if that is the meaning of the waking words, it's an abstract way of putting it. The subconscious mind is certainly a mystery to the conscious mind.

Then I thought of the moon as a symbol of fertility and wondered what would be the antithesis to this. I've yet to find one. Attracted to a light or dark side of life?

Or maybe it was a way of warning me of the effect of my deteriorating health. I've had a cyst on my thyroid (which I presume to be overactive or underactive thyroid) for over a year and still haven't sought medical advice, which is irresponsible I realise. Apparently, upon doing a quick search, poor thyroid function may affect fertility. In fact, what does poor thyroid health not affect? It's of crucial importance to the continued well-being of the body. So, are the words 'attracted to infertility' more literal, implying that the longer I leave this disease untreated, the more damage I'm doing? Attracted to the opposite of creation: chaos and self-destruction?