Extrapolate

The definition in Collins fourth edition pocket dictionary: Extrapolate - 'to infer (something not known) from the known facts.'

This word was on my mind when I awoke in the early hours. I'm the life of the party, me. Not the most exciting word, I know, but that's the thing, I didn't opt for it. It was just there. And I'm confident that I've not even heard or seen it before, let alone put it there. I hadn't even consciously known the meaning, so yeah. Where did it come from?

Seems to correspond with a sliver of a conversation I'd had with a friend that night. Indeed, as I was semi-conscious, I noticed the internal monologue which supplemented it like a newspaper clipping:

West Ryder: Oh... Ian Curtis... occult.

Jackie: Sure you're not just seeing what you want to see?

West Ryder: I'm not saying he was in a cult, I'm saying I think he was interested in the occult - occult knowledge. The more I understand, the more I recognise it in others' works.

He just likes to shoot me down. I know what he means though. I highlighted this not so long ago. It would be easy to look for significance and find it everywhere to the point that it seems absurd, it might be nothing or it might be e v e r y t h i n g, however, these other times the significance feels drawn to our attention, drawn to us.

Semi-Automatic Writing

When I have said that I am seeking truth or speaking truth and such potentially pretentious things as 'truth will out', by no means am I suggesting that I'm an oracle here. Let me just make that clear. This is an ongoing process, these are what I perceive to be the necessary steps and manner of unravelling screwed-up history, this is my truth. If you can take something from it, then that's great and I'm glad, that's the intention. But these are only events as I understand them or as they come to me, grasped and filtered by conscious mind, naturally different to the next person.

Some things I haven't been able to find elsewhere, typically in the way they are presented here, so this is my chance to archive them for myself and anyone with an interest. I try to think as critically as possible. I realise that I can be a contradiction, that's my polarity coming through, but I do what I can. All that you read is researched, validated or checked to the best of my ability, but do check for yourself and feel free to correct me if I've made a mistake. It's not about panic, paranoia or fear, I'm not satisfied with disinformation or unsubstantiated claims, though I do hypothesise and this will be apparent. Where applicable this is about separating fact from fiction and making sense of the whole situation.

This is a journey from ignorance to something more wholesome, and as the path is seemingly endless and with plenty of subjective nature growing as foliage either side, I accept that I'll probably never be fully satisfied. I'd just rather be moving, agile, than staring unknowingly at the path ahead.

Words of Elsewhere

Again, I've woken to words put in my mind. As far as I know this has only been occurring since early last year. Sometimes in the morning I'll be in the state between waking and sleep, where the subconscious and conscious are in clear communication, and I'll be going over things in a bit of an internal monologue, grasping some data or information, something that seems to make good sense. Then as soon as I recognise myself doing this and become fully conscious, I'll lose completely what I was thinking of. I'm sure it still registers in my memory; doesn't pass over to conscious and instead remains in the subconscious; technically new information, though possibly I'm expected to discover/uncover it in due time and through my physical experiences.

Other times I'll bring across some information and I'll have the distinct feeling that it's a rough translation of the actual information - a sense, an interpretation, or comparable words.

Rarer still, I'll have what I can only describe as an aphorism come to me.

Today though, today was somewhat different. I got up, no time to waste, another busy Saturday. After a couple of minutes of being awake I recalled a line I'd been going over in my mind while in that state between waking and sleep; here and there. It was as if I'd been told by somebody. I'd been told and I was mulling over this one line, thoughtfully considering it:

'The ancients believed that all life was based on light spectrums...'

I'm clueless as to what it means, it's not something I've heard or read about before, so I'm not sure it has any bearing at all. Which ancients would they be? I instantly think of the Ancient Egyptians - I know right, there's more to life than Ancient bloody Egypt, but... try telling that to those who run the show! Obviously knowledge has been suppressed, their knowledge means it's their power, and a lot of the enlightenment seems to originate from that period in time; hence the all-seeing eye (the Eye of Providence) which represents them whilst the profane are kept in ignorance. Anyway, the word was distinctly 'ancients' and I feel the sentence to be pretty much accurate as when it was balanced between the conscious and subconscious. Perhaps 'spectrums' could be substituted for 'spectrum', a couple of word changes and additions made, but really this is as it came to me. If it's been 'logically reasoned with' by the conscious mind, then there's not much I can do about that now. Soon I wish to lower the barrier between minds through self-hypnosis to allow for better recall and control, and to do that they must work in conjunction with each other.

Searching the keywords in a search engine gets the most tangible results, of course, but even they are few. The most notable seems to be 'ancients' and 'light spectrum' leads to Electromagnetic Spectrum, which I'm not familiar with (yet). Did Ancient Humans Have Knowledge of the Electromagnetic (EM) Spectrum? And another site with an article titled 'Electromagnetism and the Ancients' which disappointingly doesn't load. There are a few articles. If this is relevant to the information I was given I'm not totally sure - I've got some reading to do - but 'light spectrum' does lead to this Electromagnetic Spectrum result. Alternatively, it could be a bunch of random words that my mind vomited up. And even if the ancients did believe that all life was based on light spectrums, it doesn't mean they were right, does it!

Attracted to Infertility

This morning I woke with these words in mind: 'attracted to infertility'. It's not been uncommon in the last year or so to wake with words, sentences, ideas, answers or theories. I can usually apply them at once to my current situation, they'll relate to where I'm at on this journey of mine. I understand this as information learnt in the 'second state' and then passed successfully or unsuccessfully from the subconscious to the conscious mind. That doesn't mean it'll make sense, it can be a mistranslation by the brain. Sometimes it'll be symbols or a sense of something, an impression on the conscious mind which I suppose is able to be observed more thoughtfully.

Naturally I turned my attention to the dream I'd had which preceded the words, not necessarily the last dream before waking, but the one that was clearest in my mind. There was nothing spectacular about it, though it was pleasant enough. The predominant theme I took from it was one of acceptance, generosity and warmth. The fact that I seek this in reality and have yet to find it, and in the dream I was in contact with this - so it was an expression of a desire of mine; an unmet or unfulfilled desire. It was a brief encounter with a friendship group who were so accepting, unique and diverse, very warm and loving and responsive and generous. I think I was attracted to them, especially the females, not for sexual reasons, but for this quality they had. It's not something you can fabricate. Does this translate to 'attracted to infertility'? That it's not about the physical; it's about admiration and a host of pre-existing sensations that most of us have forgotten about or been made to forget. That it's not about sexual responses; it's about passion and compassion and fulfilment. It's about intellectual stimulation. It's about pure attraction as it is, no more. Though, if that is the meaning of the waking words, it's an abstract way of putting it. The subconscious mind is certainly a mystery to the conscious mind.

Then I thought of the moon as a symbol of fertility and wondered what would be the antithesis to this. I've yet to find one. Attracted to a light or dark side of life?

Or maybe it was a way of warning me of the effect of my deteriorating health. I've had a cyst on my thyroid (which I presume to be overactive or underactive thyroid) for over a year and still haven't sought medical advice, which is irresponsible I realise. Apparently, upon doing a quick search, poor thyroid function may affect fertility. In fact, what does poor thyroid health not affect? It's of crucial importance to the continued well-being of the body. So, are the words 'attracted to infertility' more literal, implying that the longer I leave this disease untreated, the more damage I'm doing? Attracted to the opposite of creation: chaos and self-destruction?