Attracted to Infertility

This morning I woke with these words in mind: 'attracted to infertility'. It's not been uncommon in the last year or so to wake with words, sentences, ideas, answers or theories. I can usually apply them at once to my current situation, they'll relate to where I'm at on this journey of mine. I understand this as information learnt in the 'second state' and then passed successfully or unsuccessfully from the subconscious to the conscious mind. That doesn't mean it'll make sense, it can be a mistranslation by the brain. Sometimes it'll be symbols or a sense of something, an impression on the conscious mind which I suppose is able to be observed more thoughtfully.

Naturally I turned my attention to the dream I'd had which preceded the words, not necessarily the last dream before waking, but the one that was clearest in my mind. There was nothing spectacular about it, though it was pleasant enough. The predominant theme I took from it was one of acceptance, generosity and warmth. The fact that I seek this in reality and have yet to find it, and in the dream I was in contact with this - so it was an expression of a desire of mine; an unmet or unfulfilled desire. It was a brief encounter with a friendship group who were so accepting, unique and diverse, very warm and loving and responsive and generous. I think I was attracted to them, especially the females, not for sexual reasons, but for this quality they had. It's not something you can fabricate. Does this translate to 'attracted to infertility'? That it's not about the physical; it's about admiration and a host of pre-existing sensations that most of us have forgotten about or been made to forget. That it's not about sexual responses; it's about passion and compassion and fulfilment. It's about intellectual stimulation. It's about pure attraction as it is, no more. Though, if that is the meaning of the waking words, it's an abstract way of putting it. The subconscious mind is certainly a mystery to the conscious mind.

Then I thought of the moon as a symbol of fertility and wondered what would be the antithesis to this. I've yet to find one. Attracted to a light or dark side of life?

Or maybe it was a way of warning me of the effect of my deteriorating health. I've had a cyst on my thyroid (which I presume to be overactive or underactive thyroid) for over a year and still haven't sought medical advice, which is irresponsible I realise. Apparently, upon doing a quick search, poor thyroid function may affect fertility. In fact, what does poor thyroid health not affect? It's of crucial importance to the continued well-being of the body. So, are the words 'attracted to infertility' more literal, implying that the longer I leave this disease untreated, the more damage I'm doing? Attracted to the opposite of creation: chaos and self-destruction?