Maria

For the last 2-3 weeks (output: Blink, Blink and Afterglow) I had a feeling that there was something or someone with me, a strong sense that I was being guided each day that I wrote the aforementioned entries, that they were part of a process and apparently that process isn't over.

The knowledge and insights that I was provided were very alluring, seductive, that's the best way to describe the experience. In an abstract way, there were a few moments where I felt as if the serpent was speaking to me, the ancient imagery or the inner serpent, whispering. Sweet nothings, perhaps, although I'm discovering more and more that there seems to be depth to the information, a pattern is forming. For me this is undeniably a key of some sort... hopefully the door leads to a rising spiral staircase, rather than a downward spiral... though, as briefly considered in the latter of posts, maybe the way to get out is first by descent... internal landscape; external landscape; the external is a mirror of the internal; as within, so without.

Aside from being an abstraction, maybe I just felt the kundalini was stirring, beckoning or something, saying 'Bite the apple, come bite the metaphorical apple'. I mean I practically live on knowledge, it's a staple of my diet, so there's nothing more tempting than that.

Each day I'd be left alone at the end of my shift in consciousness. Then the following day the presence would be with me again and I'd continue to write a couple of paragraphs or so until the 'sister posts' were complete. During this timeframe I've been dancing more also, for two reasons. Firstly, dancing seems to be one of several ways to channel the 'irrational', that is to communicate with the subconscious and the spirit within. Secondly, I'm trying to get rid of some demons; trying to break some habits, and it really makes me feel better and pure.

When I say dance, I don't mean no two-step time-wasting, no lindy hoppin', no plastic Jagger contrived manner; I'm talking erratic dancing. Yes, erratic, chaotic, not erotic! There's not always a definite rhythm to it, or style, it can get to resemble a convulsion. It is, I would say, irrational. Often I'll have my eyes closed, focused on some intangible element in the dark and the mild opiate quality, allow the music to move me, shake like a maraca, ecstatic.

Out of this, out of the darkness, on this occasion, came two female eyes.

It was the last day of writing the latter post (Afterglow), the final paragraphs and the kinetic nuances in between, when I noticed there was someone 'with' me. Evidently female, though I only saw their eyes, there was a sense and also a sense of beauty that accompanied them, both aesthetically and on another level entirely. I was still dancing, still haywire, but I'd just entered into a serene state of mind. I felt as if I wasn't dancing alone, as though someone or something was tracing or outlining my own form, then I became aware of the eyes melting through the darkness. I didn't note the colour of her irises, it wasn't so clear, but what struck me was how her eyes seemed to be accentuated with eyeliner. They remained for no longer than ten seconds, they blinked a few times and were gone.

After the glowing, there was a permeating emptiness. The presence I'd felt around me for some weeks had also left. I'm sure it is nearby and will return. Now that I've had a taste I'm chasing that feeling, that beauty. If I can replace destructive ways completely with constructive, creative, then this is what I need to chase. Right now, without being fed knowledge, I feel like I'm bobbing for apples.

So, I did tell Calamity about this in passing conversation, because she's interested in this kind of thing, has an interest in my research - hell, she's the original 'mystic'. That said, she wasn't paying much attention as per usual; she's like the original autistic. That was until she saw a beautiful female face come through to her in the night, just prior to sleep, fading into view twice, before fading away.

'Refined features, high cheekbones, delicate nose; golden mean. Possibly of European descent. Hair not really visible, as if drawn back.'

The only thing she can't recall are the eyes, nothing specific about them. But if I had any doubts as to the reality or significance of what I saw, they are less now. The manifestation seems to me to have been an acknowledgement, recognition, even reassurance - a token of appreciation that we should be keenly seeking the truth. And, of course, on why Calamity was able to perceive the entire face - she's always had strong intuition, a far stronger sense than I.

What I want to know though is, is this outside guidance of here or of 'there'? In other words, is it from the vicinity and entering into my personal space, my subconscious mind, which I'd be wary of, or is it from whereabouts I 'fell'; where I belong? The former would bother me and I'd be careful how much I responded to its communion... some gatekeeper on the skyline or one of many minions. The latter should be trustworthy if of the final resting place. But how can I be sure?

Honestly, the sense was of beauty and innocence, also allure. Maybe that was my interpretation. I don't want to even suggest the idea of temptress, you know.

To be sure, in the near-automatic typing phase/haze/phaze I obtained a Ouija board, possibly against my better judgement. People have their conditioned views on the occult, so... Not long ago, I did too. As with anything unknown there is a risk I would say, but with preparation and discernment; preventative measures... As with drugs, you're tapping into the unconscious, opening yourself to these other realms, you've got to be wise, use not abuse. State of mind, location, people, intent...

Oh, the closest resemblance to the eyes are in that picture up there, eyeliner included. When I considered the likelihood of her wearing make-up, I was a little sceptical, it's not what one would expect, until I discovered that even the Ancient Egyptians and Romans wore shadow, liner, mascara etc.

I wanted to refer to her by a name, so I chose what came to my mind soon after, it somehow felt appropriate to name her Maria. If I could reach her again - that is if she's anything more than an aspect of my psyche, like the anima - then I'd like to know her actual name. If she has a name. God, this is weird. I didn't intend to communicate with her via the board, because I'm not sure that'd even be possible, however, if both board and 'spirit' work through access to the subconscious, then it should be.

Since choosing the name of Maria I've realised the obvious religious connotations this can have, which has led me to my next fragment of research. More on this soon.

Blink, Blink

So, I am shuffling along with Kundalini Tales, truly, ever so truly shuffling...
Chapter two, an aspect. In the 1970s, author Richard Sauder participated in a weekend training session at The Monroe Institute. It was in the following week that he had his first kundalini awakening, most powerful, and with this his heart chakra was opened and he had vision. 360° vision, startling clarity. Not with his physical eyes, which were closed, but with his heart. I take this to mean that the so-called serpent energy (kundalini) had arisen from the base of the spine to as far as the heart center, this is what this means. The idea for anyone interested is to raise the energy up through the main chakra points to the seventh one at the top of the head; the sahasrara (crown chakra). That is if we're trusting of this 'serpent' power, given the time to understand and research it - interesting how it could be implicated with biblical teachings. Not the best choice of words though to put your mind at ease, 'serpent power', so coined by a so-titled Sir John Woodroffe.


Lovely heart with eye - JoanDougArt

Possibly the soul enters and leaves the body through the heart (anahata, heart chakra), as if by a portal or channel, and until death we are connected from physical to metaphysical to that region via a 'cord' or 'cords', sort of like an astral umbilical. Descartes referred to the pineal gland (associated with the third eye, thought to be of the ajna chakra) as the 'principal seat of the soul' though, where we're at the helm, where subconscious meets conscious mind.



In a seat older than this time, watching from behind eyeline, spinal staircase, lightbulb signifies consciousness, like a moth to a flame, enlightenment, brow and then crown, weeping, thy single eye...




Album art and above illustration are by Alan Aldridge.

So there you have the eye inside the heart again. Incubus, Light Grenades. Anyone have any interpretations for the spikes that surround the heart? I see some have described the grenade as shaped like an owl, where the peace symbol and sun are in place of the eyes. Incubus singer, Brandon Boyd, does have a tattoo of an owl on his back, alongside the Eye of Providence. Ordinarily I would have been wary of that, but I've had a radical change of mind in the last couple of days - for better or worse, a thrill nonetheless. The lotus flower at the foundation of the grenade; the lotus grows in muddy water, flowering above the murky depths, the bowels of below, to attain enlightenment. The lotus might double as flames here, flames at the foot of an owl. Cremation of Care, the annual ritual at Bohemian Grove where a human effigy (which represents 'Care') is burned before a 40ft owl statue; an event held by the Bohemian Club, all-male members and guests of which have included politicians and other notable figures; a convergence of the high-ranking. The Bohemian Club mascot is also of an owl, a symbol of knowledge and wisdom. Deftones used an image of an owl for Diamond Eyes album cover.



Bohemian Grove, Cremation of Care, covert image > look into history.

Deftones, Diamond Eyes, photograph by John Ross.

Continuing with the symbolism from Light Grenades then - the lotus might double as flames, but in all honesty it probably has no relation to the Cremation of Care. The grenade being shaped as an owl is likely intentional though. From the lotus rises the phoenix, commonly a symbol of renewal, meeting the base of the spiky heart. Although the spikes seem to be at one with the heart here, facing outwards, I considered how they might represent an assault of some sort; a denial of feelings; a defence mechanism, how a hard exterior has built and turned many a heart callous. It's difficult not to make comparisons with the Sacred Heart of Jesus, the eye resides where the crown of thorns would, although I'm confident the band are saying something else, like not waiting for something to manifest and instead instigating our own change. In a traditional sense it could be viewed as anti-Christian, but that's labelling it. You only have to read the art and the lyrics of the album to understand what's being said here. Directly above the heart a dove rests an olive branch, making peace, an offer of reconciliation, making amends. The dove descends from a symbol of the sun, so it could be forgiveness, a reunion between heart and soul and thus mind, re-establishing a relationship with the world around us - nature - to undo the damage religion has caused. The dove and olive branch are of the bible also, apparently a symbol of the Holy Spirit. Therefore if we get back in touch with ourselves, first look within, then the spirit will descend upon us individually and we will be in communication with the 'universe' - be that God or Gods. Because the bible is a pack of distortions, the grief it has caused throughout history, it's a malevolent device. What does the bible say about malevolence? It promotes it so long as you revere it. Whereas to collapse this cataclysmic tangent and return to basics, there is the sun and there are the planets and evidently there are forces of nature that we can channel.

On why the album was titled Light Grenades, Brandon Boyd explained - "There's a song called that on the record and it felt like the most pertinent conceptual aspect of the album, the idea of throwing ideas at problems and the ideas explode with light and good results and intention on consciousness. So I started imagining imagery of students in different countries protesting and throwing Molotov cocktails with masks over their faces. But there's one brave student who runs up to the police line and, as opposed to throwing rocks or things that destroy, there's this concept of that one courageous, lonely student running up and throwing ideas and having them actually change things. It just seemed kind of a cool concept: the redefining of weaponry."

That combined with the lyrics to the title track, it's about realisation, illumination. I would provide the lyrics here for you to see, but we live in a world of twisted copyright laws, perfectly reasonable to an extent and then retarded for the rest. The theme that runs through song and album is that we've gone off course, which is no revelation to me, but I'm sure for most people that would be quite difficult to conceive of, otherwise we wouldn't still be in this mess we're in. Where the lyrics mention the end, I think this is not literal, rather an end to the old; out with the old, in with the new. I'm sure it has to do with the transition to Age of Aquarius, whether it is already here or its influence is being felt, and whether that's a good thing only time will tell - I think it depends on which force has its way, and this has more than one outcome. Those who subscribe to and promote the new age are hopeful.

Neptune has ruled in the Age of Pisces, while Saturn and Uranus will 'contend' for the Age of Aquarius. Christ or the story of Christ was the inauguration of the Age of Pisces, and ironically sought to divide our connectedness with God - which I consider to have been the purpose. What could be an inauguration of this new age? Contact with extraterrestrials, actual or staged?

So the song 'Light Grenades' is a call for change and awareness, ending with the repeated line 'Come on, remember who you are'. We've been led astray and these orthodox religions are old hat, it's no longer the plot device of choice. For as long as we are herded, we're not reaching our full potential.

The grenade on the album cover - each square around its edge has a religious symbol, each allocated their own little box. These are portions of the whole, the whole truth. On the left there is the Yin-yang, Star and Crescent, Torii, and Om. On the right is the Star of David, the circumpunct (represents much - known as ancient symbol of the Sun, Keter, Entered Apprentice Freemasonry... possible ties to Saturn...), Jain Hand, and the Christian Cross. Both sides lead to or are capped by a small heart, the spikes ever-present. If we're to view the grenade also as an owl, then these religions make up the greater knowledge or wisdom that is behind them. Not separately; they all offer bits of truth and good advice mixed with unequal measures of fear and oppression - not freedom. Within is trapped the heart, all the while, not open to living, not open to giving, not open to receiving; truth. Except for that dove. The dove that symbolises freedom and the spirit of life is reaching out, beyond the confines of doctrines and indoctrination.

The owl is commonly associated with knowledge and wisdom, but many meanings have been applied. Certainly the government and elite are the possessors of knowledge. Is that the only reason for their association with the owl? Or does it also correlate with their pagan beliefs?


Washington, wise old D.C. owl or power of suggestion?

Sophia came to my mind, the Sophia as mentioned several times by Kai ('the hatchet-wielding hitchhiker'). Sophia is honoured as a goddess of wisdom, seemingly then with connections to the owl. Wisdom, that's also Athena, Minerva, Lilith, et cetera... all goddesses represented with wisdom and the owl. According to one legend, Lilith was Adam's first wife, but refused to be submissive - who can blame her? - and either left or was kicked out of the Garden of Eden, thus she was a fallen angel. Yet another text portrays her as the serpent who tempts Eve to eat of the forbidden fruit. Athena and Minerva are connected with the olive tree and the dove. Worthy of mention, Deftones also have a song called 'Minerva' from their self-titled album. This is just a new stream of thought, so forgive me if it seems to go nowhere - to me it's obvious there is a relevance here, but I'm not yet familiar with mythology.

Crucial to what I started this post with - though it has unfolded as intended - we'll get back to the kundalini. In finishing the analysis of the Light Grenades album cover, there is the lever of the grenade which is composed of two snakes entwined, a peace symbol and a lone wing. The peace symbol contains two cloud-looking things and two hearts, light on the left and dark on the right, identical to the Yin-yang, maybe a reflection on the duality of man; altruistic and yet so barbaric.

'So that your understanding becomes perfect, consider that your heart is both good and evil.' - Carl Jung, The Red Book.

The serpents tangled as they are on the lever extend to the peace symbol or surmount, this is representative of the caduceus in Greek mythology. The caduceus as well has the wings attached to it; the winged sun. One myth depicts the wand as a sign of peace, so that fits with the artwork. What about the second wing? The dove's wing, while significantly smaller, neatly meets the peace symbol and completes the likeness. There's little doubt to my mind that the caduceus is emblematic of the kundalini process, as the serpent energy ascends the spine and stimulates each chakra. And is it a surprise to find that this ancient symbol has been adopted by government, mistakenly or not, and again the associations with wisdom and the dove?

Caduceus, staff of Hermes.

Seven major chakras.

The seven major chakras, kundalini and caduceus.

The kundalini of course extends to the crown chakra, not stopping at the throat chakra as shown in the superimposed image above. The wings and top of the caduceus can be seen as the highest level of enlightenment, the 'cherry on top'. The twin serpents may symbolise duality again and the marriage of polar opposites. As Jung was saying, we need to accept that this polarity exists within our nature if we're going to find balance and harmony. This is like the world of dualism here, this is what we're dealing with.

Knowledge and wisdom is fundamentally within, lying dormant, and this revelation is kept from us. If we don't look, we'll never know. We're kept distracted, kept from realising our destiny and kept from RISING. The keepers of this ancient knowledge have an utter revulsion for us, and how are we to know why? Apart from the dominion it gives them, I mean really, something deep-rooted sets us apart from them.



A closer look at the paperwork beneath the seat - the serpent, the coil, the kundalini...

There beneath the seat of the psyche is an illustration showing the coil; spiral; kundalini. Excuse the pixelation, in the booklet it is plain to see. This would appear to be the serpentine path we must take if we wish to be in communion with the spirit; the 'universe'.

And I now realise how scripture is a distortion, how its true meaning is craftily hidden, how it has been reversed and twisted to fit an agenda. It dawns on me that the serpent is not at all bad, it was an important component of our ancient past. In the bible it offers enlightenment in the form of fruit from the tree of knowledge, just as the kundalini process symbolically does. Humankind has been conditioned to think of the serpent as evil though, because it is a necessity in our development and evolution.

The serpent within encourages the pursuit of knowledge and therefore wisdom, understanding, advancement, since it is a gateway to truth.

Sun-Dried Raison D'être

I'm still trying to get a feel for my writing style on here, I think it's undependable or it depends on my mood... which is undependable! I wouldn't want to turn anyone away solely because of ambiguity, it's just I've always leant towards cryptic writing and this is quite a contrast to strip it back and aim to be concise. Practice should make some kind of abstract perfect, although might miss the mark and sag down into post-perfect or pre-perfect... If I had the capacity - there are only two of me - I'd write a few times a day. What happens is I'll see something and want to share it, but then if I don't get around to it, it goes beyond natural and into feeling obligatory, laboured. I have to wait until it seems to click again. It's the same as owning the equivalent of a miniature library, books everywhere, but I haven't read them all yet. There'll be some from a few years ago that might have been fruitful for the time, I don't know, but it is the way it is. Once I miss the invisible cut-off point, I just have to wait until the opportunity arises again.

I'm trying to provide a variety of insights before I go back and continually expand on each subject. I've been researching since September 2012, when I had my realisation (what most people call their 'awakening'), so it's a lot to go through everything I've learnt so far and that which I'm continuing to learn in real time and then condense it all. This is as much about archiving my findings and thought processes and making sense of my reality, as it is about sharing the information with you. The comment function beneath each post is there for you to give your thoughts, opinions and knowledge and to encourage discussion. Because of those fizzy spam bots, I've set it so that I moderate any comments and I'll do that sharpish, but if you want to come in here and give some verbal abuse, act like a prat, you're most welcome to - I'll consider them, thoughtfully... hmmm, and publish them so everyone can see how cute you are when you're angry.

I write in the style of doom n' gloom. Nah, the whole idea has been to not whip up another ghoulish fever, there are enough bog-standard blogs in that style as is. And what have I done? What has this become? Just another fear-based dot com. No it hasn't and never will. I don't preach fear. Praise the dawn chorus, hallelujah!

Can of Worms

The last thing I should probably do is express doubt on here, as that's often viewed as a weakness and it's really important to maintain vision or focus when working with a medium like this. But I'm going to accept it as part of the natural course of soul-searching, rather than deny the emotion - I guess you have to expect to draw a blank from time to time.

These are some thoughts I'm dealing with recently, which are magnified tonight, and by divulging them perhaps it will make them dissipate or help me to process them.

I'm experiencing a crisis of faith, though I know it is temporary. It's a catalyst for resolution; about picking apart beliefs before reconstruction with the intention of strengthening them. Frequently I ask myself if I'm delusional, I stop for a moment to consider what I'm doing, but this never persists for more than a minute; I quickly remember that there is too much evidence to the contrary which proves the reality of such atrocities. All one has to do is look. These minor periods of doubt are a necessary measure to demonstrate to the self that a level of rationality is preserved, likely a defence mechanism, not to be disregarded.

Religion causes internal and external conflict. Religion is not something I follow, yet still it's at odds with my beliefs. This may have its merits, as it serves to deprecate or condemn practices which may not be so trustworthy. Religion was started innocently enough, a yearning within us all?

I realise I've opened a can of worms with this pursuit of mine. Sometimes I experience moments where I'm unable to see a practical way out of this, extensive as it is, a series of images, a collage of screaming mouths beneath a strobe light.

I watched some archive footage online (Robert Monroe's Out of Body Experiences), he seems honest and admits that he started the experiments for selfish reasons, wanting to better understand his condition, but a lot of what he says seems confused, he falters often, he desperately wants to provide the answers. This is a man who was really no better for his research by the end, that's the feeling I had. Journeys Out of the Body is still a profound book upon first read-through, I can't dismiss that, whereas the footage is from 1992, which would make Bob Monroe about 76, and what he had to say didn't sit well with me. Maybe it's my fault, jumping from his early experiences to his later and trying to comprehend a man who has been through what he has - I imagine as Far Journeys and Ultimate Journey go, they'll touch upon what he talks about. Maybe he wasn't able to disclose particular information, maybe he's deliberately vague, perhaps it's salesmanship - to encourage people to seek out his books and products. First and foremost he was a businessman, who just happened to have these mystical experiences, which is why I was sceptical when I began his book. No matter what, it was a successful business venture. Either way, someone out there knows the potential that exists within us and decides to profit from that, because many of the experiences I can vouch for. Robert's explanations in the video are overcomplicated, didn't seem believable, but then this complexity is to be expected when looking into the unknown. He spoke of 'imaginary' friendships with entities (or energies), without coming across like a total kook, but the interactions as he describes them I found to be questionable. Were these 'astral' experiences, or did he start to confuse hallucinations for reality as time went on? Not to undermine the bloke's intelligence, it just has to be asked. Were these beings of light or beings of false light; was he led astray?

This is where Christianity affects/concerns me, the claims of all mystical experiences being deceptive outside of Jesus' teachings. Everything becomes so confused and diluted. Who would want to follow Christianity (or any religion for that matter)? Even if they were true, why should I want to suck up to that image of God? That's the extent of what I see, too often the followers are sycophantic and I can't for one moment believe that any divine being is going to be worthy of that. I could not serve something like that. I reject the ego-centric God.

There are some reliable ideas or principles throughout most religion, or a reminder of what not to do when they turn fanatical. Perhaps Christianity is right, perhaps mysticism is a trap - the apple as a lure - the search for knowledge/enlightenment - activation of the pineal gland and awakening of the kundalini...

Still, religion alienates, divides.

Through all of the societal corruption, could this still be a path to evolution? Can the corruption be forgiven, accepted as implicit in human nature? Is it a requirement to break emotion down, is that the way of the future? Nietzsche's ubermensch (superman). Sterility.