Clay Drones

Hi. I think I previously mentioned that I'd written around a hundred unfinished posts, a collection of notes, a lot of rubbish likely, indecipherable to anyone but myself. This here is a topic I intended to touch upon sometime last year, the original title had been 'Drone Hunting'; thinking of corporate, concrete Amazon's drones and the several headlines and news articles I'd seen about the plans, and my subsequent fantasy of people taking a stand and knocking the drones out of the sky by any means necessary.

I'm a bit old-fashioned, I suppose, I'm not a great fan or advocate of technology as a whole, so that's certainly a factor in my opposition to these plans. I'm not so old-fashioned that I cling to the past and the many stale ideologies, I don't consider myself old world at all, however, there are some things, visions of the future, that I'm uncomfortable with and concerned about. Drones are one of those things, in their various forms - military, commercial and personal use - that I think are a very bad move. The thought alone of seeing these ugly, clinical, even threatening, scraps of metal and plastic hovering through our skies isn't a pretty one. The image is terribly dystopian - well, it's hardly utopian. Add to that the dangers - sure, 'like everything else' - the potential for criminal use, and their invasive nature (being that they have cameras attached to them). Personally I believe the introduction of these drones is a convenient way of monitoring us further, stepping up on surveillance. Trust it to be the corporations, the industrialists. As with most of their plans, they have more than one purpose. If there's an economical way to make these work for e-commerce and phase out the middle-men courier services then of course that's going to be one of the main priorities, but it doesn't seem like such a stretch to me that they'll be intended to act as surveillance. Many of us have read or at least are familiar with the themes of popular sci-fi and dystopian novels, such as George Orwell's 'Nineteen Eighty-Four' or Aldous Huxley's 'Brave New World' to name two of the most recognised, while many more believe these to be mere works of fiction - that there is no truth, no inside knowledge on the part of the authors - and indeed they're taught that way. Not that the educational system can be blamed for that, they could hardly be taught as anything but fiction, that would be sensationalist, hysterical. At least they're still in the curriculum, not yet burned à la Fahrenheit 451. Such a future as painted in these two novels particularly, despite being largely different in their vision (one being of repression, the other of indulgence - with much the same outcome from the perspective of the ones in control), is half-expected, anticipated, or quipped about. Does anyone ever question, though, how such authoritarian plans are set into motion? They don't just occur overnight, do they. On the topic of surveillance, CCTV was first introduced on a small-scale to monitor specific activities, events and for commercial purposes. Oh and for the safety of citizens, of course. Before you know it, it's everywhere. Forget civil liberties; 'I have no doubt we will hear some protest about a threat to civil liberties. Well, I have no sympathy whatsoever for so-called liberties of that kind,' said prime minister John Major, 1994. Government propaganda circulated that same year in the pamphlet form of CCTV: Looking Out For You, textbook 'we care' nonsense. Yes, CCTV has its uses and maybe, just maybe, there has been a reduction in crime. Or at least a reduction in the fear of crime. Where next? If a government proposed tomorrow to roll-out remote-controlled surveillance, or - a step greater - Orwellian 'telescreens', there'd be an uproar. People may be dulled down, but not yet that much. Such plans have to be integrated slowly, justifications given (or not given, as the case may be). And if civilians; good little citizens; morons will join in the fun, what better, with idiotic inventions such as Google Glass or the Apple Watch. Logically, this is how a government would (and does) operate. It's easier to slip something into the public's awareness than to announce it boldly, as this does away with the freedom or influence of individuals reacting and protesting against something that's well established. As for 'Nineteen Eighty-Four' and 'Brave New World', if you've been paying attention, you'll have noticed that there are elements from both literary pieces well underway in our society, already deeply ingrained. The sexualisation of children, for example, as shown in Huxley's pseudo-prophecy should be frighteningly apparent in the media and through pop culture. It's possibly the most clear and startling of the changes of our age, to say nothing of whether it's right or wrong. After all, if our leaders say something is so, then it is so, and a lot of emphasis is placed on such guidelines whether they're adhered to or not. Anyway, drones...



'We've got the opportunity to bring in drone surveillance - these cute little helicopters, sort of Minority Report - how best to disguise our ulterior motives?'

'Oh, well, I don't know. We could stick a parcel on it! Y'know to keep the average consumer contented, as long as he gets his parcel he'll be satisfied!'

'You know, Bob, that's not such a bad idea.'

'Well, gee, thanks Bill.'

Rather than the presence of ordinary helicopters circling neighbourhoods and attempting to see through windows, which could still happen, it makes more sense they'd utilise drone technology to do it for them, it's less personal, relinquishing responsibility.

Surveillance or not, they're still invasive, intrusive. And there's bound to be cases of them malfunctioning and dropping from the sky, destroying property, and crushing people, there's always that. The greater concern on everyone's mind is that the technology gets into the wrong hands - affordable knockoffs (let's call them) are already sold on the market to the same sorts of civilians mentioned earlier. There have been several low-key news reports on their reckless use, harassment of the public. The potentiality for criminal activities should be obvious. Introduce a license, how much good would that do? Crimes may be carried out from a safe distance, tracking down those responsible could prove difficult, with little to no evidence against the culprit(s) to bring them to justice, and it allows for a fantastically unhurried retreat. Delinquents looking out for delinquents is often how it seems. These reported cases of reckless behaviour so far are neat though - maybe they serve a purpose - as the public turn to the authority for safety, a solution, that stricter laws may be enforced; stop the chaos, we'll settle for the corporate, mature and methodical use of drones if they really must be a part of our future.

People aren't pleased with the developments though, let me tell you. I'm very glad about that. But thousands of comments across websites aren't an accurate portrayal of public opinion. What's the likelihood that most people don't have an opinion, don't have a care? Either way, my fantasy of individuals shooting drones from the sky is becoming a reality. It was a headline yesterday, 'Kentucky man shoots down drone hovering over his backyard', and I was cheered up by it. Today, though, it looks like he's going to be charged, so he's bound to be a lot less cheerful. I don't want to include a link to the news article, you can find several online, the gentleman's name is William Merideth. Many people seem to have been supportive of his actions which is reassuring. The drone was going around like a headless chicken before coming down over his property and so he took a few shots at it and took that cyborg downtown. He had every right to. I think it was three or four men that jumped out of a vehicle shortly thereafter and asked if he was the son of a bitch that shot their drone. How very American, ha. I'm imagining jocks. But yes, how very American and futuristic. Drones as pets. Don't leave your drone alone in a hot car. A drone isn't just for Christmas, it's for life. But anyway, it's unfortunate if Mr Merideth has to pay for his actions. Good on him for looking out for his kids and taking action in the first place though. This should be a lesson, let this be a lesson. With this case and others - there was another report just recently of someone shooting a neighbour's drone out of the sky - it's just practice, sonny - they will try to send a message to us through the media, that there's a price to pay, a punishment - so what. We must make it known to them that we aren't willing to put up with this garbage. The same goes for a device like Google Glass, anyone wearing those ridiculous glasses (it certainly doesn't help matters that they look like lab safety goggles) is asking for a smack. That's intentionally ambiguous, might get smacked bottoms for being the naughty, naughty people that they are. Honestly, watch this space.

Hola, anybody!

 

More posts sooner than later, currently taking a break. Still reading and researching, but tired and busy, busy and tired. The future of the kingdom is quite certain, probably in a different format of notes and scraps of information. We'll see, shall we.

 

Stay well. Ciao for now.

Chapter 29

or: Suppress the Spirit and the Soul. I'd like to express some thoughts about chapter 29 of Kundalini Tales, as it makes a lot of sense and provides another angle on what one might describe as the suppression of the spirit and soul. Coincidentally, this also happens to be the 29th entry on the blog.

To give a general overview on the book, it's primarily about author Richard Sauder's various metaphysical experiences which he associates with the kundalini, but also included in the second half are reproductions of actual U.S. patents for mind control and manipulation technology. These are devices which will do more than your good ol' fashioned bog-standard television conditioning.


It was a curious read and I can relate to quite a few of the experiences or sensations, particularly those that overlap with what Robert Monroe similarly described. I'm not sure if I've had quite the classic 'awakening', nothing as intense as some of which are mentioned, but often pretty powerful and this has been going on for about a decade. I'm able to induce this phenomenon, however, usually it occurs of its own accord - the 'serpent' doing the rounds as it were.

Chapter 29, and Richard is writing on what he sees as a correlation between Wilhelm Reich's bio-electricity research findings and the kundalini energy, where both seem to correspond with what we term as sexual energy. That is, Wilhelm Reich 'conducted experiments which demonstrated that during pleasurable sexual excitation the skin in erogenous zones becomes charged with a higher bio-electrical potential than it normally carries. And, the climactic release of sexual orgasm effectively dissipates the heightened bio-electrical charge, reducing the skin to a lower bio-electrical potential. In order for more sexual pleasure and another orgasm to occur, a period of time is required for a renewed build-up of bio-electricity.' Similarly, it seems that energy is generated and dissipated during a kundalini experience.

For example, Gopi Krishna, during his kundalini awakening, reported feverish activity in his genital organs and seminal fluid bubbling up through his spine to his brain, which he observed with an internal vision. This does sound odd, I think you'll agree, though, if I'm to interject, I would guess that this was his perception of the occurrence and that no physical fluid was actually drawn from one region to the other.

I've considered this before, that our sexual organs, or at least the sacral chakra, have an important part to play in our creative expression, and it certainly gives a new dimension to the term 'creative juices'.

Here's one for you: Which pop star mentioned her vagina and her creativity in the same sentence?

Seriously, a little search, find her quote, post it here in the comments if you like, and consider it more than just passing her off as eccentric - she may be, but that doesn't change anything of the underlying meaning. Look beyond the simplistic mass-opinion that she's just a clever little kook, there is more to her than that, more than what the public is served. The level of fame she is at, it's a very different reality. Also, just whose marketing idea was it for a perfume with the molecular structure of blood and semen? And this is pop culture? Black like the soul of fame, indeed. Actually, to deviate slightly, it's a modern (Marilyn) Monroe and co. situation, obviously that control system never left; back then there was a moment where the private fantasy met the public as never before and mingled, or rather spilled out, and you might have seen it for what it was, what it is; I'm thinking right now of Hollywood tragedy. It's just that nowadays the poppy-cultured masses are doped to the eyeballs and tend to fixate on the glamour and the glitz, completely overlooking the trauma which is going on behind the scenes in order to preserve the image.

Back to Gopi Krishna and onwards, come on, come on, come on. He also reported being sexually continent during his kundalini awakening and subsequent experiences, the implication being that his sexual energy was concentrated elsewhere during such times. It does seem that when one manifests, the other switches off, and it would seem probable that to consciously abstain would allow for the manifestation of this other energy and potential. The purpose of abstinence through and through; no excess; balance. And the explanation seeming to be that both kundalini and sexual impulse stem from deep within, from the most basic, biological core of our being; likely integrated in this way, something intrinsic. But...

- and there are many angles to this - it's not that simple. Because society is increasingly hyper-sexualised and artificially gender-bent, throwing out any balance and keeping us hyper-stimulated, which means that little to no abstinence is taught on any level. Not only does this mean that our potential is crushed and practically non-existent, it also means that this inherent energy isn't being channelled properly and causes all manner of complications and problems on a personal and public (outward, external, global) scale. Here, a quote from Twin Peaks:

'...the problems of our entire society are of a sexual nature.'

It's not the only factor, obviously. Perhaps that's the more Reichian approach.

As important as it is to understand, truthfully, I'll backtrack slightly to the more personal level and how an unrealised 'potential' can have such serious ramifications. This suppressed state can create a host of complications affecting physical and mental health, these usually overshadowing the spiritual needs, and also impacting on our interpersonal relationships. We're locked into a vicious cycle. Similarly, if the kundalini is unleashed - that is, no longer suppressed (or a better word at this point would be repressed) - but awakened and not channelled properly, this can also cause nasty repercussions. Gopi Krishna experienced some ten years of torment, ups and downs, mental anguish and excruciating physical pain, which is enough to turn anyone away from the desire to seek, but he realised his mistake, that the energy was stuck at a certain blocked chakra point. And our man Richard Sauder also experienced his fair share of undesirable symptoms over the years. And it is solely for this reason, probably, that there is such emphasis placed on spiritual initiation and guru mentors. I myself don't think I could ever rely on someone else to show me the way, I'm just not one to be led, but I don't know, maybe it's a good idea. It's certainly a good idea and, actually, of utmost importance to your wellbeing to be confident, prepared, respectful, considerate, wise, et cetera, before you openly seek to awaken this dormant energy.

Before I pick up speed (momentum, not amphetamine), because I really want to get to the heart of the subject, I'd like to make a note on the sexuality matter. Simply, sex can work wonders. There is a lot to be said for abstinence though, as well, and not just from a sexual standpoint. Free love, sexual revolution shit, fine, acceptable to an extent, but never started with good intentions. This promiscuity they're promoting is designed to break down morals, destroy the balance, divide, manipulate - we don't have a choice, we're just fed it, and that's not natural. If we look to nature, it can get quite raunchy, like with the bonobo monkeys - they even turn greetings into an excuse for more sex - but they're also an incredibly peaceful species, the same of which cannot currently be said of us.
Homosexuality also occurs within nature, again, probably nowhere quite like it is within the bonobo community, and I can't see that there is anything wrong with this, we all have the masculine and feminine aspects to our psyche; it's only a problem when this is manipulated in order to throw out the natural balance we need to strive for and maintain. It should be horrifyingly apparent that this is what they're doing through popular culture and in mainstream society, constantly manipulating and engineering trends and desires, literally inducing states of mind. And what many are viewing as women's liberation in the modern age, sadly, that's not liberation, that is not empowerment; it is total exploitation. How have we been so foolish as to settle for anything less than emancipation?

Right, now, the heart of the subject which I really felt inspired to write about, second half of the chapter. Wilhelm Reich, despite his general dismissal of mysticism, developed the idea that the atmosphere itself carries a vital, living energy that he called orgone - a sexual energy or lifeforce which is distributed throughout the universe. To relate this to Robert Monroe's understanding of our sexual magnetism is interesting. Bob was convinced that this literal attraction is essential, intrinsic, and often occurred in the 'second state' (astral plane) as naturally as a greeting, a warm embrace - hm, like the bonobos - and, in the physical, this is translated to affection and sexual contact. When I first read that in Journeys Out of the Body it made so much sense on so many levels, it still does. But anyway, according to Reich, who I've not yet personally researched, the atmosphere is charged with bluish orgone energy and it is this energy that he contends lies at the heart of biological life - we breathe it in with every breath. Much like the concept of the prana (lifeforce) described in the Vedas.

Richard Sauder then draws attention to the significance of the following sentence:

'The form of the movement of biological energy is that of a slow undulation, reminiscent of the movements of an intestine or a snake.' - The Discovery of the Orgone: The Function of the Orgasm (Sex-Economic Problems of Biological Energy) by Wilhelm Reich.

This makes another possible correlation between bio-electrical energy and the kundalini. As we know, the kundalini is frequently associated with a snake in yogic literature and shamanism, its movement as snake-like. Reich may have been familiar with this literature and failed to mention it, or he may have subconsciously recognised and sensed its nature within himself.

Reich also maintained that orgone energy can be transmitted only by organic material - living tissue (plant or animal) or substances derived from such.

And then I'm questioning, could there be those among us who don't or can't transmit such an energy?

What about the disregard or misuse of this energy? What, then, of animals slaughtered in the manner that they are? Or trees, carelessly hacked down, like flesh torn from bone, no regard. What might this do to the energy or what energy might this release? I don't know if Wilhelm Reich addresses this in any of his books - perhaps - although it'd be speculation at best.

What about the manipulation of our senses by the artificial society that has a hold of us? Generating fear, stimulating lust... just what might they be obtaining from us?

Shaktipat is the transferral of energy from one person to another, usually from master to disciple. It can be transferred with mantra, look, thought or touch. Again, the sharing, encouragement and sustenance of energy. In Reichian terms, the master would transfer orgone to the disciple. Only, in the case of shaktipat, those who have mastered the energy have nurtured and allowed it to better adapt in the physical environment. We all have this potential, well, presumably all of us, it's just a matter of expanding our consciousness.

Human sexuality and procreation has been manipulated throughout history, surrounded by all manner of taboos, regulations and restrictions, as Wilhelm Reich will have realised, and Richard Sauder and Robert Monroe have highlighted. From the standpoint of those with authoritarian control of societies, this makes total sense. The motive force behind human sexuality is the kundalini, the super-conscious, universal lifeforce. In other words, there's a very good reason why they attempt to control and regulate sexual behaviour, it represents an attempt to alter, corrupt or suppress the kundalini (spirit) in the human, or social sphere.

So, the masses are permitted to over-indulge (all in good time, bit by bit, Brave New World; look at us now compared to just a decade or two ago) in whatever takes their demiurge-given fancy, as long as it's not pure. Pornography and the softcore family-friendly porn of pop culture cheapens everything about men and women and sexuality.

And what does this conversion of the general attitude and desires do to the nature of the spirit? What energy do we transfer tenfold or hundredfold back into the world? Whereas if we're focusing our attention and energy much higher, far greater, what wonders we might manifest for ourselves, each other. If we're preoccupied with debasement or corruption, more of that is what we'll see. And if we're looking at each other with respect and admiration, then that is the bigger picture we're painting.

Orgies aren't out of the question, surely. In all honesty, surely it depends on the good treatment of all involved. It's about consent, it's about freedom of choice; money doesn't figure, money has no place. But if such an act has been influenced by the concoction that is popular culture, it's not sincere but mimicry, degrading and humiliating, and of no true value to anyone nor the state of the planet.

In fact, if I may, I'm going to include the last few lines of the chapter as an excerpt. I've checked the copyright claim at the front of the book and acknowledge it - all rights reserved, no reproductions in any way, except for the inclusion of quotations or brief excerpts in a review. I'd say this was a bit of a review, wouldn't you? I encourage you to check out the book, I do. These next few lines are so well-written that it'd be a shame to massacre them by trying to explain in another way:

Kundalini Tales - Richard Sauder, Ph.D. - Adventures Unlimited Press - chapter 29 - page 64

'Of course, heterosexual intercourse creates a propitious set of circumstances (biological, genetic, spiritual) that facilitates the entry of human consciousness into this physical plane of existence. Thus the womb itself, when viewed properly, is actually a mysterious, interdimensional portal through which we all travel, male and female alike, as we pass from some other dimension and into this dimension we call "Earth". Sexuality, seen from this standpoint, is an interdimensional activity. In one sense, sexual intercourse by a potent man and a fertile woman can even be seen as a magical rite that conjures up a previously discarnate spirit and creates a body for that spirit to inhabit - presto sexualito! - a little baby is conceived and born.'

- I have my own ideas on this 'portal'-business, involving the moon (fertility, womb...) and the reproductive cycle. Regardless, the moon is influential, the desperate race to reach it, because 'he who controls the moon controls the earth.' It was U.S. Air Force Brig. Gen. Homer Boushey who made reference to this and how, if the statement proved to be true, "the U.S. must control the moon."

Let's continue with the excerpt:

'Watching over it all, from the inside, is the kundalini, the magical creative force that permeates the entire universe. No wonder that sex is so rigidly controlled by so many societies and religions. Interdimensional doorways and the activities that occur in their vicinity are the gates to the unknown and the unfathomable. Open those doors too wide and God knows what might happen - things might get out of control! And control is the last thing that authoritarian religions and political systems want to lose.'

Exactly. The snake, the serpent, is chaos; the natural order of the universe is chaos. Not disorder, just a higher order. But the buggers at the very top can't tolerate this. They need order out of chaos, right? That's the motto on the dollar bill, for sure. 'Novus ordo seclorum' which means 'New order of the ages'. Also reminds me of the masonic term, 'Ordo ab Chao' which means 'Order out of chaos'. They can't tolerate the natural order, so they disrupt our balance and create their own disorder from which they can claim control over us. This, my brothers and sisters, is one of the reasons they suppress the spirit and the soul.

Ride the snake, ride the snake,
to the lake, the ancient lake, baby,
the snake is long, s e v e n miles.
- 'The End' written by Jim Morrison (The Doors)

Seven chakra points. Trust me, this is the way. Ride the snake.

Church Swine

 

Oh, it must have been almost a month ago that my friend Jackie showed up with the then latest issue of NME and gave it to me - he'd bought it for me - and I didn't know what to expect, I've been kind of out of the loop for a while. My eyes adjusted and I saw Richey Edwards on the cover. Well thanks so much, bud, this is swell because I don't always enter into society, I would have missed this issue and probably the next 500 to come, but whatever, materials. This is neat though, so I'd intended to give appreciation.

If you've not heard of Richey Edwards, that's a shame. He was the co-lyricist, rhythm guitarist and representative for the Manic Street Preachers. They're one of several bands I hold in high regard, their social commentary is the most effective and they really spoke for a generation, especially at a time when Madchester, Britpop, alcohol and pills were on the agenda.

It was coming up to the 20th anniversary of their beloved album, The Holy Bible, and so that's why they've got an extensive feature in this issue. Ten pages worth, rightly.

That is a Kerrang issue on the left. Dirty, dirty mag. I heard there was a Manic's Holy Bible feature in there, and there it is, all of two pages. Most impassioned band to grace the pages of that rag in years, I reckon. Since they changed their demographic it's been like a cross between a dirty magazine and a kids comic.

Still, good to see them featured at all. Maybe some scene kids will be able to discern what's real from what is a ream of superficial ridiculousness.

Heading: IS THIS THE DARKEST RECORD EVER?

I consider it to be in that division. If not the darkest, then certainly one of. For a reason though; it's not dark for the sake of it; it is the unembellished, ugly truth which religions choose to ignore. And ignorance breeds suffering, so why does religion nurture it? Because the ignorant and the weak are easily herded.

For all of its truth, by no means is it an ugly album; it's a plethora of emotions, truly a work of art. What I say can scarcely do it justice. Lyrically scathing, poetic and poignant, too. Richey wrote around 70-75% of the lyrical input for the record and it is unparalleled. I can only imagine the exquisite works he'd have produced if he'd stayed around and been able to overcome his despair.

Cover slogan: BRAND NEW TESTAMENT

It's been almost a month and I've not read either article. I'm always preoccupied, hence the delayed appreciation. I would have liked to have taken a picture with the magazine on the early evening it was given to me, a sobering sunset, sat on a park bench, but never mind, instead what we have are a selection of photos in a church. Kind of appropriate, kind of senseless.

I actually took them to read, but didn't get around to it. I finished the last three chapters of Kundalini Tales, then found half a bottle of church wine and impulsively downed the lot. I don't even like alcohol, haven't touched it in a couple of years, so got considerably tipsy. Essentially drank the blood of Christ and let the congregation go without. Afterwards I tried to comprehend what made me think it was a good idea to begin with. Strange one. Brain's readjusted now.

Serpent and the Butterfly

A few reflections on this day, considering the expression that there is 'no such thing as coincidences' (but synchronistic events...)

I stopped by a church so as to read and meditate in the quiet, away from distractions. I've always been appreciative of the architecture and atmosphere of churches and that I can differentiate between the building and the oppression that surrounds it. The artificial lighting overhead was switched off, suitably, and I chose to sit in the aisle which had a nice golden glow about it.

I was finishing Kundalini Tales and reflecting on what I'd read after each short chapter, enjoying the calm and the space. The book, by the way, is about the 'serpent energy' or serpent-like energy that we supposedly have in our possession - an aspect of the divine within our souls. I've had many unusual and often captivating experiences since my mid-teens, although I'd never associated them with the kundalini as it's not something I'd heard of until recently; I'm still not sure that my experiences are related to it - there are definite similarities, also inconsistencies - but it is possible.

Several times I looked up at the stained-glass window beside me without realising which biblical passage the image stood for. Then I noticed the serpent on the staff behind the man and realised it was Moses and... ah yeah.

'Even so must the Son of Man be lifted up...' (John 3:14)

One of the passages I mentioned in Afterglow and how it could be an allusion to the kundalini. A couple more snakes entangled there, almost appearing as two-headed, a dualistic quality. Unknowingly I'd taken a seat next to the window that depicts the lifting of the serpent in the wilderness, which is compared to the later story of the Son of Man being lifted up, to read from my serpent-related book. A neat coincidence, I thought.

Then I heard some fluttering sounds across the other side of the church. A butterfly had got inside through a tiny window and couldn't get back out. I watched for a moment, thinking on how its life was short and precious and that if it couldn't get out it wouldn't get to enjoy its final phase of magnificence; how people, too, are trapped by the church and religion. Prisons of the cross. The butterfly is of great importance to me, its symbolism, I'll write more on this soon; the next phase in my spiritual development is the last and I believe it to be near. As a result, inner tension and conflict is at a peak, I'll either crash and burn - or - take flight, shine on, transcend.

So, I saw this butterfly as a symbol of my current situation - trapped, unable to get out or break habitual behaviours, stagnation... As far as I'm aware the butterfly found its way out within a couple of minutes - the fluttering stopped - I hope so. If I could have gotten a photo of it against the old lattice window and azure sky, that would have been rad. Alas...

I finished reading, three chapters to go, and decided to blast out some Japanese Voyeurs and Marilyn Manson's Mechanical Animals on the church speakers. Then vicar came along and I made a dash to turn the music down and off, fumbling with the controls, obviously he heard. Seemed a friendly guy, so I asked him a question about the stained-glass window, how he would interpret the line: 'That rock was Christ'. It took him a while to answer, he had to recall what he'd been taught - fair enough, there's a lot of passages to remember - and his interpretation was textbook, recital, of course; to do with Moses and Jesus in their respective times providing water to the needy people. He didn't go into detail about what water is representative of from a spiritual perspective, but that's what I was thinking of - the living water, the Holy Spirit, Mary, Star of the Sea...

Anyway, best thing he said was, "Yes, they seemed to be obsessed with serpents back then."

Yes, yes they did. Why oh why, vicar?

I told him I'm not religious but in the middle, taking from different sources, and that's my way. I assume he took this to mean that I'm lost, as he invited me to a free autumn course for 'those who think there is more to life'. I'm considering going along in October - me, the pilgrim - just to observe the indoctrination.

Now to tie up loose ends, get this poor show over with. The magic número trois. I was tired, had to decide on the short or long route home, happened to choose the long route, and so I walked right by a dead snake. I took this as similar symbolism to the trapped butterfly - stagnation, wasted and unmet potential, shadow side; imbalance; destruction...
I hadn't seen a snake in over a decade until now. I've seen a couple of slow-worms, heh. This was a grass snake, coiled, certainly dormant, quite flattened by the wheel of a car and quite dead. I should have taken a picture for archive sake, not at all morbid. Alas, t'was not meant to be.

No such thing as coincidences, but synchronistic events. Serpent and the Butterfly. Both are symbolic of renewal or rebirth. The serpent sheds its skin and the butterfly goes through its metamorphosis to reach that glorious stage. I see these examples as like living sticky notes, reminders. They're there, on the periphery, something is definitely in motion, definitely occurring. I think they're a reminder of how fragile life is, especially in my current state of health, and that I can either embrace these days or they'll slip away. I know which I'd rather.

Extrapolate

The definition in Collins fourth edition pocket dictionary: Extrapolate - 'to infer (something not known) from the known facts.'

This word was on my mind when I awoke in the early hours. I'm the life of the party, me. Not the most exciting word, I know, but that's the thing, I didn't opt for it. It was just there. And I'm confident that I've not even heard or seen it before, let alone put it there. I hadn't even consciously known the meaning, so yeah. Where did it come from?

Seems to correspond with a sliver of a conversation I'd had with a friend that night. Indeed, as I was semi-conscious, I noticed the internal monologue which supplemented it like a newspaper clipping:

West Ryder: Oh... Ian Curtis... occult.

Jackie: Sure you're not just seeing what you want to see?

West Ryder: I'm not saying he was in a cult, I'm saying I think he was interested in the occult - occult knowledge. The more I understand, the more I recognise it in others' works.

He just likes to shoot me down. I know what he means though. I highlighted this not so long ago. It would be easy to look for significance and find it everywhere to the point that it seems absurd, it might be nothing or it might be e v e r y t h i n g, however, these other times the significance feels drawn to our attention, drawn to us.

Maria

For the last 2-3 weeks (output: Blink, Blink and Afterglow) I had a feeling that there was something or someone with me, a strong sense that I was being guided each day that I wrote the aforementioned entries, that they were part of a process and apparently that process isn't over.

The knowledge and insights that I was provided were very alluring, seductive, that's the best way to describe the experience. In an abstract way, there were a few moments where I felt as if the serpent was speaking to me, the ancient imagery or the inner serpent, whispering. Sweet nothings, perhaps, although I'm discovering more and more that there seems to be depth to the information, a pattern is forming. For me this is undeniably a key of some sort... hopefully the door leads to a rising spiral staircase, rather than a downward spiral... though, as briefly considered in the latter of posts, maybe the way to get out is first by descent... internal landscape; external landscape; the external is a mirror of the internal; as within, so without.

Aside from being an abstraction, maybe I just felt the kundalini was stirring, beckoning or something, saying 'Bite the apple, come bite the metaphorical apple'. I mean I practically live on knowledge, it's a staple of my diet, so there's nothing more tempting than that.

Each day I'd be left alone at the end of my shift in consciousness. Then the following day the presence would be with me again and I'd continue to write a couple of paragraphs or so until the 'sister posts' were complete. During this timeframe I've been dancing more also, for two reasons. Firstly, dancing seems to be one of several ways to channel the 'irrational', that is to communicate with the subconscious and the spirit within. Secondly, I'm trying to get rid of some demons; trying to break some habits, and it really makes me feel better and pure.

When I say dance, I don't mean no two-step time-wasting, no lindy hoppin', no plastic Jagger contrived manner; I'm talking erratic dancing. Yes, erratic, chaotic, not erotic! There's not always a definite rhythm to it, or style, it can get to resemble a convulsion. It is, I would say, irrational. Often I'll have my eyes closed, focused on some intangible element in the dark and the mild opiate quality, allow the music to move me, shake like a maraca, ecstatic.

Out of this, out of the darkness, on this occasion, came two female eyes.

It was the last day of writing the latter post (Afterglow), the final paragraphs and the kinetic nuances in between, when I noticed there was someone 'with' me. Evidently female, though I only saw their eyes, there was a sense and also a sense of beauty that accompanied them, both aesthetically and on another level entirely. I was still dancing, still haywire, but I'd just entered into a serene state of mind. I felt as if I wasn't dancing alone, as though someone or something was tracing or outlining my own form, then I became aware of the eyes melting through the darkness. I didn't note the colour of her irises, it wasn't so clear, but what struck me was how her eyes seemed to be accentuated with eyeliner. They remained for no longer than ten seconds, they blinked a few times and were gone.

After the glowing, there was a permeating emptiness. The presence I'd felt around me for some weeks had also left. I'm sure it is nearby and will return. Now that I've had a taste I'm chasing that feeling, that beauty. If I can replace destructive ways completely with constructive, creative, then this is what I need to chase. Right now, without being fed knowledge, I feel like I'm bobbing for apples.

So, I did tell Calamity about this in passing conversation, because she's interested in this kind of thing, has an interest in my research - hell, she's the original 'mystic'. That said, she wasn't paying much attention as per usual; she's like the original autistic. That was until she saw a beautiful female face come through to her in the night, just prior to sleep, fading into view twice, before fading away.

'Refined features, high cheekbones, delicate nose; golden mean. Possibly of European descent. Hair not really visible, as if drawn back.'

The only thing she can't recall are the eyes, nothing specific about them. But if I had any doubts as to the reality or significance of what I saw, they are less now. The manifestation seems to me to have been an acknowledgement, recognition, even reassurance - a token of appreciation that we should be keenly seeking the truth. And, of course, on why Calamity was able to perceive the entire face - she's always had strong intuition, a far stronger sense than I.

What I want to know though is, is this outside guidance of here or of 'there'? In other words, is it from the vicinity and entering into my personal space, my subconscious mind, which I'd be wary of, or is it from whereabouts I 'fell'; where I belong? The former would bother me and I'd be careful how much I responded to its communion... some gatekeeper on the skyline or one of many minions. The latter should be trustworthy if of the final resting place. But how can I be sure?

Honestly, the sense was of beauty and innocence, also allure. Maybe that was my interpretation. I don't want to even suggest the idea of temptress, you know.

To be sure, in the near-automatic typing phase/haze/phaze I obtained a Ouija board, possibly against my better judgement. People have their conditioned views on the occult, so... Not long ago, I did too. As with anything unknown there is a risk I would say, but with preparation and discernment; preventative measures... As with drugs, you're tapping into the unconscious, opening yourself to these other realms, you've got to be wise, use not abuse. State of mind, location, people, intent...

Oh, the closest resemblance to the eyes are in that picture up there, eyeliner included. When I considered the likelihood of her wearing make-up, I was a little sceptical, it's not what one would expect, until I discovered that even the Ancient Egyptians and Romans wore shadow, liner, mascara etc.

I wanted to refer to her by a name, so I chose what came to my mind soon after, it somehow felt appropriate to name her Maria. If I could reach her again - that is if she's anything more than an aspect of my psyche, like the anima - then I'd like to know her actual name. If she has a name. God, this is weird. I didn't intend to communicate with her via the board, because I'm not sure that'd even be possible, however, if both board and 'spirit' work through access to the subconscious, then it should be.

Since choosing the name of Maria I've realised the obvious religious connotations this can have, which has led me to my next fragment of research. More on this soon.